Shared Secrets
by WritingxEqualsxHappiness
Summary: A quiet moment of reflection for Uhura becomes so much more, but she can't find it in her to mind. Bonding, and sex, and mind melding all in one. Spock/Uhura. Oneshot.


**I've been incredibly obsessed with all things Star Trek recently, so this happened. Enjoy!**

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"Will you please meld with me?" I whispered in Vulcan. I looked up at his face from my position curled up against his side, my head on his shoulder as he sat upright against the wall behind the bed in his quarters. He was looking down at me, his expression unreadable as always, but I got the sense that he was studying my face, looking for a sign of…something…love perhaps? Or conviction? His eyes quickly swept across my entire face, flicking very briefly to the not-quite-smile shaping my mouth before returning to my eyes and the trust I hoped was shining through.

"I do not know that that would be wise," he said quietly. I could almost feel him digging through layers of my thoughts in my eyes, forever searching for whatever he wanted to find in me.

"It's the next logical step to take," I reasoned softly. I watched his eyes narrow the tiniest bit.

"It is not logical from my perspective," he countered, and forced his eyes away from me to the darkened window instead. "You are Human."

I untucked one of my hands from under my chin and rested it on his arm, squeezing gently.

"I don't think that matters," I whispered. "I love you, and I always will. What's making you hesitant?" There was a beat of silence before he spoke.

"The average length of a romantic relationship for Human females is two point one four years," he stated, still not looking at me. "We have been involved for two point three two years. It is a reasonable deduction that our relationship must end. In addition, one cannot know the extent of another's feelings without a measure of doubt. Humans are especially fickle in their emotions."

I picked my head up from his shoulder finally—my period of calm reflection was officially over. My instincts told me to take offense to his statistics on behalf of my entire race, but I stamped down the urge to retaliate.

"You're capable of finding out the extent of my feelings," I pointed out. "I may be Human, but I can recognize when I have something incredible. It may be…difficult to be in a relationship with you at some times, but I appreciate every second we have together and that's not going to change. I knew exactly what I was committing myself to. You just have to look to see it."

Spock returned his eyes to me, searching my face once more. I watched his eyes change in front of me, could see the war between his two heritages forever raging within him.

"It is a risk," he said at last. "In order to reach the full depth of a person's mind, a bond must be forged that is not easily broken." With that, I knew that we were talking about more than a mind meld. We were speaking of bonding, of what was essentially marriage.

"It's a double-edged sword," I sighed. "You can't know until you look, but you won't look until you know."

He considered it. "In a metaphorical manner of speaking, precisely."

"So the question then is are you willing to take the risk," I concluded. I looked away, disappointed. The stakes were too high with this—he wasn't going to agree, not tonight at least. "I'm going to return to my quarters. I'll see you tomorrow." I got up from the bed, disheartened once more, and made to leave.

Before I could get very far, I sensed him stand up behind me.

"Nyota, I did not intend to disappoint you," he said quietly.

"I know, Spock." I turned around to face him. "Sometimes I can't help it."

I knew I should leave then, but something in his expression was telling me to stay, to explain my disappointment so he wouldn't spend the night trying to work it out. I opened my mouth to speak, struggling to force my jumbled thoughts into coherent ideas.

"Part of being in a relationship is trusting the other person," I said. "Do you trust that my intentions are purely benevolent and will not change?"

"It is…not rational," he began with the slightest quirk of his mouth and lift of one eyebrow. "I am startled by the multitude of emotions that you bring to the surface of my thoughts. Although I do not find many of them entirely unpleasant or burdensome, trust is a disconcerting concept. Vulcan has accustomed me to the truth in all circumstances. The task of assigning trustworthiness to an individual of a species that is predisposed to deceit is challenging."

"Spock, I've made my decision." I stepped closer to him to rest my palm on the side of his neck. "I want to be with you in every way forever and I'm not going to risk that by lying to you about the depth of my love. Ever. You just have to trust me."

I saw something shift in his eyes and hoped that was a good sign. I stepped forward again so that I pressed entirely against him and pulled his head down to meet my lips. He brought one hand to my waist and the other under my raised arm, pressing his warm palm against my upper back.

He quickly separated our lips and turned his face to the side, though. I could feel his indecision—our bond was not as strong as I knew it could be, but still his stronger emotions seeped through when we touched. I kissed his cheek and dropped my head to his shoulder while he worked out whatever was troubling him.

"You do not know what you are asking of me," he breathed heavily. I lifted his head and held both hands to the nape of his neck to look at him fully.

"I'm asking to become one with you," I said softly. "I want to be with you in the deepest way possible."

"It cannot be undone without great pain and suffering." He looked me in the eyes, and I was struck once more by their depth. There was nothing of his outward appearance that spoke more to his human heritage than his eyes. Other Vulcans I'd seen had irises dark as a night without stars, but his were a warm brown that I often felt I was becoming wrapped up in.

"The idea alone of breaking it causes me great pain," I responded truthfully.

"It is the Vulcan practice equivalent to marriage," he added.

"Would you like me to get down on one knee?" I joked with a smile that he reciprocated very slightly.

"You appear to accept this with little thought."

"I've thought about it so much already that I don't have to anymore," I countered. "If you were Human I'd readily accept a proposal from you." I could see that he still wasn't convinced. "Spock, you know that I don't take marriage lightly. I want to belong to one person for my entire life. I want it to be you. I want to be your wife, bondmate, everything. I won't change my mind."

I watched him swallow, and felt some of the indecision ebb away.

"Very well, then," he said, and I smiled widely. "I agree to take you as my bondmate. I will ask the captain to make a detour to New Vulcan at his earliest convenience to have it officiated."

I kissed him deeply, and he pulled me as close as possible to him.

"How is this usually done?" I asked breathlessly, our cheeks touching and our mouths close to each other's ears.

"Traditionally, a ceremony is performed by a Vulcan elder. As that is not possible at this time, I will speak the words and you will repeat them," he said quietly.

"Let's do it," I said, stepping away from him and trying not to let my enthusiasm permeate my voice too much. I could tell I wasn't altogether successful, though, because one eyebrow and one side of his mouth quirked upwards. He turned away and laid out his meditation mat.

"Let us kneel," he directed, taking my hands as we both knelt facing each other on the mat. He guided my right hand to his face and placed my fingers at the appropriate points as he placed the fingers of his right hand on mine. Our left hands grasped between us, his fingers resting lightly on my wrist. I felt some sort of energy pass between us, just a small hint of what was to come.

Spock closed his eyes and took a deep centering breath, and I did the same. As I let my breath out, he began to speak.

"Our minds, one and together," he said softly. "Forever and always touching and touched; parted yet never apart."

"Our minds, one and together," I whispered, feeling a strange tingling in my mind and under my skin. "Forever and always touching and touched; parted yet never apart."

"Let it be done," he murmured, pressing his fingers firmly at the side of my face.

Suddenly I was engulfed by a controlled tidal wave. My mind was tossed and churned as the keen awareness of another's mind swept over me, but as the wave receded, I found myself deeply content. I was not quite sure where I was physically, but still I could feel Spock within me. The strength of the bond was almost overwhelming; I knew I could never be the same as I was before. I clenched my fingers as a reflex, and the feeling of Spock's hand in mine was a source of comfort that rooted me in reality.

Something told me to breathe, so I drew in a breath as I grew accustomed to his presence. I had the sense that he was saying my name and I opened my eyes, finding his immediately. I saw his face in front of me, but I felt him inside of me as well, his deep love for me. I'd always wondered how I would truly know how he felt about me because he kept so much to himself, but now I knew that it had been there all along, waiting for me in this bond. I blinked at the intensity of his emotions—I could not capture their full potential with one look, no matter how wide my eyes grew.

He let go of my hand and I felt him withdraw his fingers from my face at the same time he separated my fingers from his. The strange mind link dropped off in its intensity, yet I felt his presence remain in my mind. It was as if my mind was in two parts, one still me and the new part entirely him, as if he had been there all along.

"Nyota," he breathed. I blinked again and shook my head slightly. I found myself lying on my back on his meditation mat, entirely unsure of how I got that way. He was on top of me, one knee at my hip and the other between my legs, supporting himself on his elbows.

"Spock, I…love you," I whispered in awe, not sure what else there was to say. Every moment of his existence had just been thrown at me all at once, and suddenly I understood.

"I apologize for not keeping my presence under tighter control," he said in a rush. "The strength of the bond caught me by surprise."

"No, it's okay," I mumbled. "I…" But I didn't know what to say next. It occurred to me that I'd been crying, although I didn't remember doing so.

At a complete loss for words, I pulled his face down to kiss him deeply. I felt more than heard him whisper my name on a sigh and smiled as I wrapped my arms around his neck. In a feat of strength and physics, I twisted my legs around his and clumsily flipped us so that I was on top. I giggled as he briefly resisted, trying to lift me off of him by my waist. I pulled my uniform up to my stomach and his hands settled on my hips instead.

Settling myself on top of his pelvis, I tucked my hands under the edge of his shirt and pushed it up his chest, making sure to move my hands over his nipples when I got there. He growled as I pulled the shirt over his head, and helped me get my uniform over mine. I leaned forward to kiss his jaw and his neck while he trailed his hands up my sides and over my back. I felt the clasp of my bra release and then it came off entirely, being flung by him to an unknown corner of his quarters.

I returned my lips to his mouth and he brought his hands to my breasts, kneading them firmly. He pinched and pulled at my nipples until I was near gasping above him. I had the sense that my sounds spurred him on, and I felt the confirmation of this hardening beneath my center. I sat up to unbutton his trousers, raking my fingernails lightly down his chest as I went and eliciting a rather purr-like sound from him. I made sure to push my hips against him a few times before I proceeded to open his pants entirely.

I pushed his trousers and underwear over his hips and thighs as I knelt over him, but stood up to pull them the rest of the way off and toss them to the side. As I stepped out of my rather damp panties, he sat up and held his arms out. After kicking my panties aside somewhere, I went back into his waiting arms and straddled his thighs. He held me close for a bit as we kissed sweetly, but then I felt one hand trail around my waist and down my stomach. His thumb and one finger parted my slick folds for another finger to find my clit and rub it in earnest.

I sighed shakily and reached down to take his firm erection in my hand. I felt his breath hitch as I swept my hand over it once before brushing my thumb back and forth over the head. I felt him harden further in my hand as the long finger that had been rubbing my clit moved to slide inside of me, curling ever so slightly and providing pressure just…there. I moaned unashamedly and my head fell back. He took the opportunity to move his mouth to my neck, his tongue coming out to lick the spot that made my toes curl.

"Holy…" I began, and as he bit down on the side of my neck I added, "Ohhh."

My hand stalled in its ministrations, and he removed his finger from within me. He put his hands on either side of my waist and pulled me forward so I could sink down around his now throbbing cock with a grateful groan. He guided my movements with his hands pressed firmly on my hips. Our mouths were both wide open, our lips and tongues touching only occasionally, preferring to form unintelligible sounds rather than really kiss.

Our breathing grew harder as we moved together. I felt that his arms were growing fatigued holding him upright as he pounded up into me, and soon we both fell back to the floor. I hissed as the new angle caused him to touch a most delightful place inside me.

"Nyota," he gasped. I opened my eyes in time to see his hand coming up to my face, his fingers spread in the pattern that indicated he intended to meld with my mind. He pressed his fingers to the psi points of my face, and then I was catapulted into the most remarkable of sensations. My arousal seemingly tripled instantly and I cried out in surprise as an orgasm immediately ripped through me. I felt my own delirious pleasure, and I felt his on top of it. It was a swirling mass of enormous amounts of colorful lust and desire, with an undercurrent of something more serious and permanent and loving.

Spock was very close, I could feel it, and I didn't have to try very hard to find a second orgasm in me. It was as simple as turning my mind to fully face his extreme arousal so that it became mine as well. I downright screamed as it barreled over me; his fingers moved away from my face, breaking the meld to a large degree, and found purchase clenched in my hair as the convulsions of my inner walls prompted him to forcefully spill his seed inside me. I struggled to catch my breath as we moved with each other until the last shudders ceased, falling on top of him and burying my face in his neck.

I could feel his reluctance in his mind as he withdrew himself from me. I reached out blindly for his pants, which I had tossed aside after removing, and bunched them between us to keep the mess from getting all over us. I felt his internal protest at this action and smiled as I contoured myself to him. One of his hands cradled the back of my head against him and the other stroked soothingly over my lower back.

"I do not want you to leave tonight," he murmured.

"I wasn't going to," I mumbled sleepily. I was sure I would regret falling asleep in my current position in a few hours, but for now I was more content than I had ever been. In the back of my drowsy mind I had the idea to tell him how much I loved him for making my life complete, but I felt a sudden rush of the same feeling from the vicinity of his heart and knew it was an unspoken agreement, a secret between us that no one else would ever be privy to.

As it turned out, Spock hadn't let me remain in my uncomfortable position for long—as soon as I was asleep, he had carried me to the bed, as I found out when I woke there hours later to find myself curled into his chest and sweating profusely due to his higher body temperature.


End file.
